...A Little Stretch Of Road

There is a little stretch of road that has nearly covered over.  On this dirt road there are three pot holes, a wash, several patches of white rock and two long trails that haven't quite covered over in grass, leading to a rusty cattle guard that serves no real purpose these days.  Though it is really not a big deal when a small dirt road returns to being a cow trail, the memory of many years of travel over that piece of road makes it tough to watch.

This stretch of road was built with the sole purpose of forming a direct root from our home to the home of my grandparents.  There is one purpose that the road was built.  For four young kids who loved tobe with their great grandparents.  The truth be known, this little stretch of road provided a direct root to our front door by a great grandfather.  He would come, drink coffee, take a little boy to help him feed cows or to check on school before lunch.  He would use that little stretch of road to travel to our home to help with projects, like raising show broilers, building fence or feeding horses.  The main thing I think is, he really just wanted to hang out.

There have been a minimum of four sets feet that kept this short piece of road beaten down to dirt.  There have been years of four wheelers, bicycles, tricycles, strollers, trucks and tractors that have made miles on this short piece of road over a twelve year period.  As the strollers gave way to tricycles, tricycles gave way to bicycles, bicycles gave way to four wheelers, four wheelers gave way to trucks, memories for a lifetime were burned into the minds and hearts of families.

The relationship between a great Grandfather, a great Grandmother and great Granchildren was like nothing that I have ever seen.  Love, commeradery, friendship and council were the basis of this relationship.  These characteristics were built because of the connection of a little stretch of road.  This road was the artery to the hearts of family.

This little stretch of road was the scene of battles, photographs, floods, dust, races of foot, bikes and four wheelers.  It carried tons of hay during the years of no rain.  It carried tractors with mowers, trucks loaded with firewood, feed and even trash.

While not giving life to an inantimate object, life took place on a little stretch of road in which I will forever be greatful.  This little stretch of road molded the minds and hearts of every person who traveled it.  Now the cows seem to be the only ones who benefit from this little stretch of road, moving from pasture to pasture, fighting to keep the grass off of a path or two.

All of us have a similar stretch of road.  For most of us, that little stretch of road is in our hearts and minds.  Whether that little stretch of road was rocky and tough or whether it was full of joy, it represents a period in time that impacts us for a lifetime.  I treasure that little stretch of road.  That little stretch of road has helped mold my family.  Our circumstances change from day to day, but when we learn to depend on our Savior, we tend to be able to endure.  We learn to view that little stretch of road as an endurance race.  Our desire to be open to what God has for us is much stronger than living for the world.

...new promo video

We are getting ready for our next production for one of the larger churches in College Station.  Can't wait to get the show under way.  We are excited and I really hope this idea continues to grow.

...4H Horse Show time again

We have begun our show season again.  The kids have made it through county with quite a few ribbons.  They got second in team penning.  I believe there was a mistake in the way that the time was announced that made it sound like we got second.  But we are good sports most of the time and will go along with it.  

This week we just finished the District Show.  Mallory got third in the 3 year old Futurity.  Will roped for his first time out of the box.  He missed but I was very proud that he tried.  His horse put in a good position to catch but there were way too many nerves.  It was fun though.  Mal and Will are on the same team penning team along with one of their good friends, Megan.  They were one of three teams that actually pulled out all three of their calves.  Mal and Will got them all the way to the pen but one slipped out at the last minute.  They wound up penning only two.  The last team that went penned all three.  They placed third.  I couldn't be prouder.  They worked together on some very sticky calves.  Good cow horses and kids who have worked cows from the time they could ride, really stood out.

One more round to go in Abilene in July.  We can't wait.

...A Unique Ministry Opportunity

Many of you might be thinking what the big deal is about me showing pictures of another horse ride.  Well once again, I was given an opportunity to speak.  This time it was at a Cowboy Church in Alvin, TX.  I met the good folks of Cowboy Ministries back in March, when Mal and I went to Alvin to compete in there team penning event.  It was a great time and I really hit it off with the pastor and his wife.  Chance Gardner is just  an ordinary man who has been willing to put his personal life into public view by becoming a pastor.

The small cowboy church runs 150 or so on any given Sunday.  After the team penning, I was able to sit down with Chance and share with him what my vision has become while dealing with young horses.  As I posted before, we went to Seguin, TX to speak to parents who have chosen to Foster or Adopt while encouraging them and showing them with horses some ways to handle kids.  As crude as that sounds, a horse learns so fast and will apply what he has been taught immediately.  This makes a great tool for parents to learn about pressure and release of pressure on our kids with near perfect timing.

Chance called me and asked me to come speak on a Sunday morning.  I had envisioned being a guest speaker on a Wednesday night or on a Saturday night.  No...Chance wanted me to deliver the message on Sunday morning.  As honored as I was, I was a little nervous knowing that there were going to be the majority of his church there to watch me.  I really began hoping that I didn't hit the ground.  It is never pretty when that happens.  I asked Chance if he had someone in his church that had a colt that was ready for its first ride.  It just so happened that he did.  The Tilly's set me up with a great filly who they had been messing with.  She was sacked out, had been saddled a couple of times and was ready for her first ride.  It could not have worked out any better.

I used Cat, my horse, to speak off of then I brought the filly in and began working with her.  No, I am not the  Horse Whisperer or Clinton Anderson not am I Chris Cox.  Though I handle horses in much the same manner, the unique twist that I put on horse training is that I compare horses to our Walk With Christ, Team Work With Your Spouse and Our Relationship To Our Children.  Each relationship is critical.  There are tons of books about each of these subjects, but I wanted to bring a live, practical demonstration to people in a Cowboy way.  Dayna came up with Wisdom Shared...from the back of a horse.

If you have a group at a church, cowboy church, foster/adopt support group or any other group whom you think this could apply, please get in touch with me.

...Life Long

Not only were we excited about speaking to some great families who have adopted some awesome kids, but we were going to get to have a young man spend the night with us.  This wasn't just a normal sleep over.  Kohl was raised in the orphanage from the time that he was two.  He didn't get out until he was nine.  Quite a long time, I know, but when you think about that he had a best friend that had been with him that whole time, it becomes pretty amazing to know that for the first time in close to a year, they were able to reunite in a place that was just for them.  No older siblings, no other people, no chores, no schedule, no competition, nothing.  Just a house and acres that allowed best friends to live life to the fullest.

Tanner, came over Friday night.  We met his parents for the first time and right off we knew that these boys had a great relationship.  Just like most of us with best friends, they picked up where they left off.  They gave each other the biggest hug, then they started telling stories.  They were remembering fun times in the orphanage.  My view of the orphanage has always been a grim, dark one.  I know that probably deep down theirs may be as well, but it is a part of who these kids are.  It is their history.  Just like my history and memories come from being raised with a great family with a mother and father who loves me, their memories have some grim, dark times, but they seem to choose to remember some good times as well.

Our American way of thinking is very distorted.  We think that when we take in these kids from an International Adoption, that they automatically know what America is about.  We assume that their actions and thoughts are in line with how we were raised.  This is simply not true.  The way that I have to begin working with these kids is totally different from American kids.  These guys know that the only rights that they have are the ones that I give them.  Whoa!  Many come from a communist/socialist background.  They live for the government.  Oh don't worry, you will learn how that feels if we elect our President for another term.  You will get the hang of it. You don't have to think too hard.  The only income you get is what the government pays you for working for them.  Government health care at its finest.  Get back on the story!

Foster/adoptive American kids come with all of these "rights" that our government has given out through our legal system.  American kids think they know these rights and will try to use them to disrupt a family (sometimes).  Obviously older kids.  Because of our legal system, I am finding that most parents and adoptive parents are terrified to discipline or try to control kids.  Don't get me wrong, I know that there are extreme cases where real abuse is prevalent, but it really stinks to know that parents live in fear of their kids.  Really irritates me.

Because some of the international kids are head strong and sometimes just mean, American parents aren't sure what to do with them.  How far to push back?  We have to meet them where they are.  I have made reference to this guy in the past Tim Cox who has a painting named, "when horse whispering gets loud".  This a very accurate description of kids that are adopted.  Some days are great, and some days are crazy.  Dayna and I, along with many other adoptive parents, have made the same commitment to raising an adopted child as we have in raising our biological kids.  That means I am going to stick it out even though it gets a little tough.  Time does move on and things do get better when we stick it out.  We just have to not let quitting even enter our minds.

Back to Tanner and Kohl.  They were hilarious.  They told stories and giggled forever on Friday night.  I learned that they weren't much different from American kids.  Because kids come into this world knowing how to sin and be mischievous, there is no wonder the boys of the orphanage stayed in trouble.  They told me about taking fish eyeballs, sneaking them into the class room, and then throwing them at the teacher.  They had me rolling.  They were willing to pay the price for their prank.  Story after story and laughter from the belly sure made me smile.

They woke up early on Saturday and didn't stop playing all day.  They had already planned on us letting Tanner spend Saturday night as well.  And of course, we let him.  Tanner loved messing with the horses and he didn't leave my side.  I loved watching these boys reconnect.  I know that we will let them get together soon.

For those of you who do not know me and may be new to my blog, my wife is a very talented photographer.  I enjoy telling a story with her pictures.  These boys had  a carefree weekend.  It was a great relaxing time.

Foster/Adoption Parenting Workshop

This weekend has been exciting on so many levels.  I have been kicking around the idea of teaching kids or parents using horses for years.  I know that it is not an original idea but for the most part, I believe that most people who use horses to teach are successful in getting their message across.  In 2011, I began taking in outside horses to start for people.  Also in 2011, we were faced with adopting a young boy whose first adoption did not work out.  His story has been told in previous posts.  With the combination of adoption and training horses, I feel like that God orchestrated this scenario in our lives to provide me an opportunity to use my passion.  I have been contemplating on how to get it started.  I have talked to leaders in churches, friends, acquaintances and anyone else who might slow down enough to listen and no one would say "lets do it".  Everyone, however, said that it was a great idea and could be useful.

I told some friends of ours that had been at our church years ago about the idea.  They are heavily involved in assisting families with International adoptions, mainly from the Ukraine.  They actually were in our young married Sunday School class back when I taught years ago.  Because everyone seemed to be busy or not have the passion I did to make it happen, I finally asked this wonderful couple to just set something up.  Their family has a ranch in Seguin, TX and many of the adoptive families were in that area so she offered their ranch for us to set up a round pen and invite adoptive parents.  We set a date and ran with it.  I was awe of the response.  When I saw how many adults and kids were coming, I had to take a deep breath.  Around 50 adults and a whole passel of kids.

This being the first event, there were so many things that I wanted to say and didn't then I am sure their were things that I probably shouldn't have said, but I did anyway.  I truly believe that God's hand was on this event.  This event provided a place for tough questions to be asked and provided a unique, practical way for parents to visualize solutions for the walls that come up with their kids.  There are so many solutions and principles written in books by ladies and gentlemen that are much smarter than I.  But I want to provide simple solutions that can be seen, not just read about.

It seemed to have hit home for folks.  I am excited to see where this might lead.

...the days since

We made it through our first week.  Then we made it through our second.  Like a huge locomotive we picked up speed.  The art became trying to balance a life that was normal and easy for us with a new lifestyle that was not going to end.  You know when your kids ask if guests can stay for the weekend?  Deep down, you know that you can handle several extra kids for a weekend.  The reality came hard and fast that this was no weekend visit.

When the outburst would come, one of two reactions would follow.  Either I would get in his face or I would handle the situation with quiet patience.  There are times in our lives that we need to have someone get in our face and shake us in order that we realize that we are out of line.  Then there are sometimes when a soft word with a compassionate heart goes a long way. This was where "I" had to make the call.  Everyone else in our family needed to be firm but supportive.  In the orphanage, though I never visited the Ukraine, I am certain that there was one person in charge.  I am sure that the kids were expected to obey their teachers, but when push came to shove, the Head Master, if you will, was where the line was drawn.  This seemed to be what Kolya understood.  I wanted him to understand that I was the end of the line.  There would be no question in his mind.

Many of his altercations, three to be exact, with W.D. seemed to arise when there was a breakdown in communication or when Kolya thought that he could bully my kids in order to become known as the toughest in the house, either way fear was the driving force.  I am just going to leave it at, "this was not successful".  W.D. was forced to handle the situation on his own and all three times W.D. came out on top.  My kids have never ever had to physically fight.  They have had the opportunity I guess, but all have chosen not to.  So when confronted with physical violence, they showed that they could handle themselves but with unbelievable control.  I was very proud to know that they could defend themselves but also to realize that their hearts were soft enough to know when to stop. I am amazed at the forgiveness, compassion and love that overflowed from their hearts.

We just have not raised our kids to be aggressive.  Many may want to make our homeschooling an issue at this point because my kids haven't been "socialized" in the way government school kids are.  This is hilarious to me.  Those that know my kids, know that they are a quick judge of character and are not afraid to carry on a conversation with anyone.  But if you try to divide them by using words or otherwise, they have each others back.  This is what our little Ukrainian fella found out.  Quickly.  The cool thing is that over time he has gained respect for each one of our kids all the while figuring out how to gain their respect without physically demanding it.

Since I have been training horses, I have seen all types of personalities, or as Pat Parelli puts it, "horsonalities".  There are the compliant ones, the lazy ones, the aggressive ones, the lazy-mean ones, the touchy ones, the soft-quick ones, the scared as hell ones and the ones that would love nothing more than to put you in the dirt then spit on you.  In the same manner as horses, believe it or not, you can categorize kids in the same way.  When a kid comes from a loving, healthy home, with a Mother and a Father, with healthy discipline, then more than likely this kid will be productive, outgoing, eager to learn and most of all, he will know how to trust.  I did not say perfect.  I know that there are exceptions.  But when these older kids especially, come from an orphanage,  their acting skills are very good.  They know how to perform for their potential parents, but there are years of hurt, brokenness, shattered dreams, guilt and fear. They don't know how to express their problems because most folks will not take time to listen.  The other kids are carrying around enough baggage of their own that they sure don't want to hear about other problems.  Horses are the same way.  When I bring them in, if they haven't come from a healthy, caring owner, then I have to start peeling away the problems until one day, I find their true hurt spot, then I start trying to heal that hurt spot in their personality in order to start gaining trust.  Once they know that I am not then enemy, we can move forward.

The broken horses and the broken kids are always looking for "what is coming next".  If they have been mistreated, then normal discipline or structure will not work.  It takes a little while, some quicker than others, to work them into your mainstream, day to day flow.  On the horses, though each one is different, I want them all to be exposed to and generally accept the same things.  One may be a cutting horse, one may be a great sorting horse, one may be a ranch horse or one may just be a trail horse.  But I want each one of them to accept the bit, accept the saddle, accept me getting on, accept the dogs walking behind then, be able to let me open gates while on their back, load in the trailer and so on.  With these kids, I am looking for some common ground that we can start with, then we can move into their habits, their beliefs, their discipline, their structure and their relationships.  I don't want any kids that I work with to worry about what is coming next.  I want him to be confident in his decisions, but resilient enough to deal with the consequences of mistakes.  Tim Cox, who is a cowboy artist has an awesome picture that reminds me that everything doesn't go as planned.  The name of the picture is "When horse whispering gets loud".  Things don't always go as planned and sometimes we have to be prepared for the "loud".  As much as we try to keep it soft sometimes things explode.  But our general direction is always loving, caring and compassionate, Godly, leadership.

This is what the last eight months have been.  We seem to have gotten to the bottom of things and seem to be building a new life.  Just so you know that I am not kidding myself, all of the Glory is God's.  Anything that has happened, from us getting Kolya to the blowups, to the prayers at bedtimes, to the hugs, thank you's, yes mam's and yes sir's have all been allowed by God's orchestration.  His work through us and hopefully the touching of Kolya's little heart by the Holy Spirit will change Kolya's life and point him in a new direction to where the impact on his world will be magnified and God will be glorified.  We are getting there. I believe that it won't be too much longer before he realizes his need for salvation.  I can't wait for that day.  He is taking on responsibility because he wants to feel needed, but sometimes his desire out runs his mind.  He doesn't always think of the consequences before things go wrong.  So he has to learn by experience a lot.  But we have learned to make him deal with the problem while we act like it is no big deal.  This has been the hardest thing for me.  I like to see some forethought of consequences and if I don't someone will be reminded.  Poor W.D.  Poor daughters of mine.  I was pretty hard on them when things like this would go on.  Such as: If you put you class of milk on the chair instead of on the table, it will spill!  If you carry the egg in you pocket from the barn, it could break, in your pocket!  And so many other things that I have had to take a deep breath on.  But I guess it is our life now.  I will deal with it.  Not giving Kolya a chance to make mistakes and learn from them is the world he has lived in for nine years.  I didn't want the tenth year to be the same as the previous nine.

Just in case I haven't mentioned it, I am so very proud of my wife and kids; their heart for missions and their love for Christ.  They live the Life every day.  They are an inspiration to me.